Thinking Aloud

I realized that my posts of late are concered primarily with happenings back home in Malaysia and rather mundane aspects of my life.

With respect to the latter, apologies. I just can’t think of anything better to post.

But for the former, I make no apologies. These are the examples of things that get me very worked up. The imposition of authority through brute force- " There is no need to debate, just accept it!"

But then, enough said about the Malaysian political culture. I guess I should post something about my spiritual life (or lack thereof).

Transition from VCF to a local church was relatively smooth. Right now I’m with a PCM group and serving in both Faith Acts and the choir. I guess (if there are any VCFers who still read this blog) that involvement in a local church is kinda the anchor. To transition smoothly out from VCF and still continue to grow, we do need to invovle ourselves in something more than Sunday worship services.

Quiet time has been rather off an on. Still adapting to the rigor of waking up early before rushing to school to do work. But, I’ve made my commitment once more go over the Bible, cover to cover again. With the help from biblegateway.com ’s reading plan. I should finish it in exactly one year.

All this said, does this make me ok?

I don’t think so. I’m not ok. I realize it everyday. Something is missing. Maybe a taste of heaven, or a dissatisfaction with what the world offers. Maybe it’s that bout of loneliness all we single people struggle with. Or out struggle with sin. Nah, I’m not ok. I’m just on a journey just like everybody else.  

The theme of death has been sweeping over my thoughts lately.

Life is so fragile.

Its probably the wrong time to be thinking about something so morbid. But come to think of it, death is perhaps the greater mystery.

After all we know a little about life, since we experience it. But nobody has told us anything about death. Unfortunately for us, people who die don’t come back to tell us.

And yet even more powerfully, in real life demonstration, Christ conquered death by dying.

I forget that death is God’s curse upon his own creation. I think that sometimes that death is the same thing as sin. But sin and death are two different things all together. Sin leads to death, only because 1) It is a judgement upon sin 2) it is the way that God makes sure that evil does not endure. But death is God’s architecture, and so it is beyond understanding that it was God himself, who became man, die to reverse the effects of His own curse.

When I forget this, I think I can win because Christ has won. I don’t think this is correct. I cannot beat death, because it is God who has curse me. But because it is God himself who lifts this curse, therefore I am now free. There is no winning or struggle or battle. In a sense, death has been defeated, so the thought of me ‘winning’ is rendered irrelevant.

And how do I know all this? That death has been defeated…

…because Jesus rose from the dead.

Haven’t been posting anything substantial here lately. Actually a lot has been happening. Just that I don’t feel like putting it down. Exams are round the corner and I just finished some heavy stuff on homology. Don’t feel like studying later tonight.

This morning saw me meditating on love. How sacrifice is a defining quality of love. What drove me to that strain of thought was the cross-Christ would choose to take our sin upon himself, even when we didn’t ask for it.

This struck me as mind blowing. Being brought up in a Chinese culture, the idea of unmerited love is hard to swallow. Human love, is given subject to terms and conditions. And this is so pervasive in my culture. We could only have a glimpse of what true love ought to be.

But with Christ and the cross, we see true sacrificial love in blood and flesh, in its tears and anguish. That this love is lavished upon us even when we didn’t deserve it tells me that there is another way. It is possible to love even the unlovable. And it is the only way to love, to be truly human.

Just the thoughts that could feed the hungry soul.

Since I’m speechless, I only want to share these few verses.

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,
12That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent
O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.

For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

If you happen to know more verses in the same vein, leave a message on the tagboard.

This prayer helps us to put ourselves at God’s disposal. St Ignatius describes this ‘Preparatory prayer’ as asking for the grace that all my intentions, actions and operations may be directed purely to the praise and service of the Divine Majesty. (The Spiritual Exercises, no. 46) You might try these words:

Lord, I so wish to prepare well for this time.
I so want to make all of me ready and attentive and available to you.
Please help me to clarify and purify my intentions.
I have so many contradictory desires.
I get preoccupied with things that don’t really matter or last.
I know that if I give you my heart
whatever I do will follow my new heart.

In all that I am today, all that I try to do,
all my encounters, reflections - even the frustrations and failings
and especially in this time of prayer,
in all of this may I place my life in your hands.
Lord, I am yours. Make of me what you will. Amen.

Taken from Sacred Space.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.