Thinking Aloud

Kiss me Good-Bye 

You say my love is all you need, to see you through
but I know these words are not quite true

Here is the path you’re looking for, an open door
Leading to worlds you long to explore

Go, if you must move on alone
I’m gonna make it on my own

Kiss me good-bye, love’s memory
Follow your heart and find your destiny
Don’t shed a tear, for love’s mortality
For you put the dream in my reality

As times goes by I know you’ll see this of me
I loved enough to let you go free

Go, I will give you wings to fly
Cast all your fears into the sky

Kiss me goodbye, love’s mystery
All of my life I’ll hold you close to me

Don’t shed a tear for love’s mortality
For you put the dream in my reality

Kiss me goodbye, love’s memory
You put the dream in my reality

Lyrics of the Final Fantasy XII’s theme song. Sung by Angela Aki. This is the version sung in English (not just a fan translate). There is a version in Japanese. I like the tune, and her singing.

But man, the lyrics are kinda of sad. (Although the music is soaring with hope.) Reading this kind of songs, I wonder whether there it is possible to have a love story without a break up.

Love doesn’t need to be mortal, does it? 

I just made an interesting observation:

Guys and girls experience romantic love differently. Duuuhhh….

But let’s put it this way, secular society priviledges the male point of view in these matters. After perusing Men’s Health and corrobarated by my occasional perusals through women’s magazines (no, I’m not a closet pervert! ) it’s really about how to get the girl. It’s all about getting what you want.

But since I’m also acquianted with the Christian p.o.v. in these matters, I am beginning to think that it is the women’s point of view that is priveldged when Christian boys and girls start to hush and blush

After all, we (including me) talk about waiting, finding the right one, being patient… Get the drift.

Tough leh, sometimes I really find it a miracle that people even get attached. Simple things like this also cannot see from the same point of view.

Thinking about it, it seems easier to find that girl you like and marry her in those golden old days. Nowadays, damn  extremely complicated (whether you’re a Christian or not.) Must be like this first, must like that first, must have this feeling, must have money, must have style, must wait…

Haih…   

Time to hold my breath.

The deed is done, now everything hinges on God’s almighty hand. If He wills, then nothing can stop it from passing.

What is faith?

I guess faith is like love. It is beyond definition, but it is always recognizable.

For a long while I thought I had faith, that I dared to dream. But this semester I discovered that all these past three years I never went beyond myself; be it in studies, hall activities, student ministry. I played safe. I thought I was confident, but it was an illusion. A safety net constructed so that I will not have to risk failure.

But this time it is different. Failure is defined in black and white terms. There is no hiding, no way to justify, or outreason the consequences.

Do I have faith? I have learnt that I have none. True faith trusts, and one truly trusts when one is not in control.

There are things which I have no control over, and it is in these things that faith is made real.

And I know I can trust Him, because He loves me.

Haven’t been posting anything substantial here lately. Actually a lot has been happening. Just that I don’t feel like putting it down. Exams are round the corner and I just finished some heavy stuff on homology. Don’t feel like studying later tonight.

This morning saw me meditating on love. How sacrifice is a defining quality of love. What drove me to that strain of thought was the cross-Christ would choose to take our sin upon himself, even when we didn’t ask for it.

This struck me as mind blowing. Being brought up in a Chinese culture, the idea of unmerited love is hard to swallow. Human love, is given subject to terms and conditions. And this is so pervasive in my culture. We could only have a glimpse of what true love ought to be.

But with Christ and the cross, we see true sacrificial love in blood and flesh, in its tears and anguish. That this love is lavished upon us even when we didn’t deserve it tells me that there is another way. It is possible to love even the unlovable. And it is the only way to love, to be truly human.

Just the thoughts that could feed the hungry soul.