Thinking Aloud

I think is rather safe to let it out now.

Yes, Albus Dumbledore has died.

I just don’t know what to say. Speechless actually. I mean, I grieve…one of the most lovable character (no, Harry is not lovable) is no longer going to grace the pages of Mrs. Rowling’s future endeavors.

Why?

Couldn’t there be another way?

Anyway, a salute and tribute to Albus Dumbledore, who made the whole world of Hogwarts come alive.

House astir over ‘azan’ proposal

Read the news except. I find it spilling with the irony of the situation.

I have little to say, but more to ask: Who is being intolerant and unreasonable? Who is the one being bigoted?

Perhaps questions to be asked in a wider perspective: What really is the role of the parliament? What should be the attitudes of the ‘wakil rakyat’ in the parliament? Where is the cool and calm and professionalism of our parliamentarians?

I can’t stand it. When ‘they’ complain, ‘we’ must give way. When ‘we’ complain, ‘they’ accuse us of being insensitive.

Dumb!

Gotta lead CGL training on Sunday, and the study is on the first chapter. My idea here is to post my initial thoughts on the passage here. And then see what questions I can come up with to help supplement what is already in the CG guide.

Paul’s Chains Advance the Gospel
12Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. 13As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard[b] and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. 14Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly.

15It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. 16The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. 17The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.[c] 18But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.

Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, 19for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.[d] 20I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 21For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, 26so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

Paul is no wimp here. Despite being thrown into jail and getting news that people are trying to discredit him, he displays remarkable peace of mind, joy and optimism. Probably optimism is too much of a dilution of the character that Paul shows. But nevertheless, even in the bleakest of circumstances, Paul finds things to rejoice about.

He certainly isn’t being positive for the sake of being postive. I would tend to think his perceptions are grounded in a dose of reality. He knows that he could die anytime. That is always a sobering thought. Yet even faced with the threat of death, he knows that it can only mean eternal rest. In fact, he desires it (vs 23).

A man so saturated with Christ sees what value is there to life: The Gospel, and the edification of our brothers and sisters. All others pale in comparison. This is a man who truly loves his brethren. Truly it is said, ” There is no greater love than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

These few verses are sobering words. Paul’s heart is a shining example of how he has wieghed and valued his eartly journey. It is not for his own, but for others and the Gospel. Remember, these are not sentimental words. These are words coming from a man in prison under the threat of death; they mean what they mean. These are comforting words to a concerned church.

Questions for thought:

1) When injustice has been committed against us, how would we react? Contrast this to how Paul writes about himself in the passage.

2) Think about the use of opportunity. What does the word ‘opportunity’ mean to us? What does the word ‘opportunity’ mean to Paul, or to Jesus for that matter. The way we understand opportunity tells us a lot of our priorities.

3) Do we fear death?

I want a camera! But I don’t have money to buy one.

This blog needs some pictures, that’s why.

Equality before the law is perhaps the most important ingredient to build a civil society. In a community there must the assurance that no one, no single person can act arbitarily in any way he pleases. There must be the assurance that there is an effective deterrent from tyranny.

I phrase this in terms of power relations between human beings. A priori, men are not born equals. But yet to survive, man needs community. Power and selfishness threatens to tear community apart, and being unequal, there is always the temptation to further one’s personal interests disregarding the welfare of everybody else.

The idea of equality is not developed. It is instinctive. In fact, it is the only universal morality agreed upon by all men in this world. Fairness.

This primal and instinctive morality embodies the law. And the law functions when what a man is born with (his talents and abilities) do not affect the responsibility he bears for his actions. And yet the law must function if there is to be a civil society.

This understanding of equality unfortunately is not appreciated by many in modern asian society. There is a bestial and almost barbaric selfishness in the typical asian. He or she thinks that as long as there are not caught, then it is alright to break the law. There are two issues here, one being greed (the obvious one). The other is power.

Secretly, when law-breaking goes unpunished, the offender gains power over offended. It is this power that makes the second time easier. And the third, and so on. But this power is unchecked, unmanaged and leads to tyranny. And very soon, when law-breaking becomes a norm, a certain sense of justice is dulled. What was once wrong is forgotten to be wrong. Nature marches on blindly, and now one knows why society goes to the dogs.

Without equality before the law, there is no society. And I think there cannot be equality before the law, when people in excutive power constantly ‘interfere’ in the execution and policing of the law.

My parents are teachers. But their passion and gift sort of didn’t rub on to me. I absolutely have a phobia of stepping into a class of Form 5 students and giving a lesson of trigonometry. Can die wan!

I will have to give a short presentation on the analytic continuation of the Reimann Zeta function sometime next week or this thursday. The thing is, will my presentation be well recieved? Will my fellow coursemates be able to take away something from it?

I guess, for any teacher (or lecturer) the art and trick is to give the essentials without sacrificing the depth. Some teachers manage to do that. I still can remember how Miss Moey thaught us Bible Knowledge in form 5 and 4. Inspirational!

I really wonder how is it that a particular human being is able to connect so well with another and yet some are not able to. Charisma indeed is one of the intangibles of human existence. How is it that business consultants and trainers are able to whip up a storm during seminars? How is it that (some) pastors are able to preach effectively? All these are a mystery.

The wonder of a teacher is how he/she is able to be transparent; letting the student probe his/her mind without being confused.

As it is, the essentials without sacrificing the depth. The great and noble profession, teaching. No wonder experienced teachers know that they must love thier students. It is the nessecary condition to be able to even establish the basic rapport that allows learning to take place.

Yep, the season for Intro Talks have begun. Mine’s tomorrow and there’s one starting today. This whole week and the next will see the Colloqium Room A fill in and out with honours students presenting their power theories.

Wish us all the best.

I came across this phrase of sorts browsing (read kepo-ing) :

Thiesm, (and by extension Christianity)

Now, this begs the question: Is Christianity really an extension of theism?

I better state what I understand when people use the word theism. I would think they mean belief in God, and not just any kind of God, a personal and infinite God (up to whatever you mean by personal and infinite)

And how about the word extension? I think what we have in mind is that theism is something like a big bottle where any ‘religion’ that worships a personal infinite God gets dumped into that bottle. Hmm…sounds good. Except that we usually also go on to say that Christianity is the only unique religion with a personal infinite God…so I guess that amounts to saying that Christianity is the only member in that same bottle.

Just like a housefly trapped in a bottle…

So is Christianity a form of thiesm? Let’s ask the same, but using different words: Is the worship and adoration of our risen Lord a form of thiesm? If thiesm is a kind of belief, a kind of mental picture we have of what God should be like, a kind of object we direct out attention and will towards, then…

…is the picture of God in the bible, the picture of the thiestic God?

My big point is this. We must be careful with our apologetics. Good theological reflection always comes before we try to be Ravi Zacharias wannabes. I guess if we try to define Christianity in terms of philosophical jargon (like theism), we are bound to add on unwanted ‘interpretive baggage’ to our worship of God. It’s basically idolatry at the worst, a misunderstanding of who the living God at best. Like a housefly trapped in the jar of our philosophy, our ‘Christianity’ dies and looks just plain absurd.

The quote is misguided. Christianity is no extension of anything. Let God be God. One cannot use thiesm to hang out the clothes of biblical christianity for display. It’s a washout. It is only through Christianity first that we have a notion of what theism is and not the other way round where we have a common understanding of thiesm and then proceed to fill in the blanks.

When I was back at home, came across an article concerning the lessening impact the doctrine of the Trinity in the lay-christian mind and how it has affected public worship.

This is an interesting topic. And as I read two out of the whole bunch of articles in the study, I guess I was also refreshed. There is a clear importance of the doctrine of the Trinity. It really affects our understanding of church-life, worship and relationships. In fact upon further probing, I was reminded that the Trinity is the one distinguishing feature that makes Christianity unique among all other religions.

But I guess I should be abstract like this….sigh. Too much working with symbols and my ability to write coherently has gone down. I know my blogging is terrible lately. Hope to improve soon.

I’m returning to Singapore tonight.

Had a nice time at home. Food, food and food. Just eat, life is good. Anyway, tomorrow have test. Not even prepared for it. What the heck!

What is democracy?

Depending on your point of view, either it is the greatest idea mankind ever came up with, the precondition for capitalism, the cancer of the human race or the gift of the devil.

The essense of democracy is the idea of the ‘rakyat’ electing their leaders, I think. But bundled implicitly along with it is the idea of a limited government. The assumption is that the ‘rakyat’ is the destiny of the nation and no power is centralized to any one institution or person.

That I think is sort of a observation of modern democracy. Obviously it is not an end to itself, it is a means to a harmonious and tolerant society: the two bedrocks of Malaysian society.

My observation is that the nation’s leaders are a reflection of the nation’s ‘rakyat’. If the leaders are corrupt and incompetent, who elected them in the first place? But the better question is this, why would right minded citizens elect a corrupt and incompetent leader in the first place? Since majority wins in any election, I guess it is saying that the majority of the ‘rakyat’ is corrupt and lazy. No corrupt and lazy person ever elects a noble and honest man into office for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

Here’s the irony of it all, democracy with its ability to decentralize power ultimately leads to its demise. It is a contradiction. Corrupt men in places of power slowly become tyrants given time. Ironic indeed.

It’s just the same view from here or Singapore. I heard that it rained back down south. That’s good. The weather is so hot and dry that moisture would definately do some good. It’s wet here as well. Slight showers in the afternoon helps cool things down.

Am enjoying the slower pace of life here. Managed to finish group theory homework. Now all set to concentrate fully on preparing for the intorductory talks and my complex analysis presentation.

Lim Kit Siang’s blog (and Jeff Ooi’s Screenshots) are really and eye opener. Besides that, here, on the printed media, theSun also offer a good alternative to the mainstream media. I still read theStar online to balance out viewpoints. All in all my eyes are much opened and I am ever more thankful that I’m here studying in NUS and not in say UM.

But at least there is one thing rather clear in my mind: I would like to continue blogging from M’sia one day. See how that pans out-lah.

I’m back home liao…and enjoying every moment of it. After church we went to some kopitiam in OUG to have lunch. Never tasted such nice Pan Mien. Nice, nice nice…food is good. Must fatten up before coming back.

Ps. Siew Teng commented that I’ve gotten thinner. Is that true? I find it hard to believe. But anyway, with so much to do, I’ve better get started. Thank goodness Dr. Chin was kinder this time. His homeworks aren’t that bad.

Will blog later.

Song En is going to be soooo jealous when he finds that I’ve watched Advent Children already!!

:-D

It’s really good.

Good in the sense it’s a quintissential action flick. Just a little over 90 mins. Great action set pieces. Have no idea what Cloud’s big problem is. The beginning is dreadfully slow and the editing is mindless. But lookout for the climatic battle with… hehe not giving anything away.

Gonna burn it. Most memorable scene: The highway chase.

Water level at Selangor dams dropping

Hmm…after the haze this. All related to the hot and humid weather perhaps. I guess these are the times that we really appreciate rain.

I have one prayer request from all those who read my blog. Just pray that I’ll be able to make the fullest use of my time back home. That’s all I need really.

I really need to be more organized. My desk is a mess and I feel so unkempt. Hopefully at home I can use the “get-away” to refresh myself. I need it. Feel like burning out liao.

I think I’ve finally got it (Prof Berrick’s super vague tutorial) after a long night of schizoprenic muttering. It’s all in the interpretation of what a matrix means. Oh well, thank God for that.

And to answer Marcus query: My intro talk is tentatively on the 27th Tuesday, September from 10-1030 am. All are welcome (not just maths majors). Keep a lookout for emails from the Maths department.

Kay Jin didn’t show up for the tutorial discussion today. GRRR! Anyway, I thought could get him to help out in the parts that I didn’t understand. Hieu and Venku weren’t much help. Sigh…this is sooo distressing.

Now how?

Slog through tonight to make sure that at least can answer some of qn two lar…I mean there has to be something that I am not looking at. Something that I’m missing.

I’ve totally no interest in qn three, though it might turn out to be the easier of the four. Qn four looks interesting and I have some inkling of how to solve it but that’s for the last.

Bummer….really bummer.

It’s slowly warming up my hard disk. Can’t say when it’ll be done. Oh boy, can’t wait, can’t wait. In the meantime, still doing Prof’s Berrick’s tutorial. No joke man, it’s tough. Something that looks so simple yet so difficult.

Final Fantasy was one of the best RPG’s I played, now finally they have a CGI mov of sorts. Let’s hope it’s worth the wait.

Just finished dinner only moments ago. Other people in my class are probably still on their way back home.

Imagine sitting on the bus watching the city lights reflect on the darkened glass. I wonder how it would feel like, watching the world go by. Time flows by like oil.

What would the world be like, without public buses, I wonder. Rushing about the expressway of life, riding on the bus provides the only slowdown we all need, (ironically). Riding on the bus, we are forced to be quiet, the only place to look is outside. And outside, the scenery flows by like a movie strip.

We need that. Public buses; where the driver smiles at you and takes you safely to your destination. Thank God for the public buses.

Full article available here

At this point the Christian worldview offers a much-needed corrective. The Bible grounds human freedom not in a sweeping claim of human autonomy, but in the fact that human beings are made in the image of God. Thus, the biblical concept of freedom comes with limits set from the very beginning by our Creator. We are not given the right, as Anthony Kennedy so sweepingly expressed, to define our own concept of existence “and of the mystery of human life.”

It’s not that we don’t have this right…We don’t even have the ability to do so. Those that think they are ‘defining their concept of existence’ are decieved by an illusion of autonomy. And the danger is that it often affects others more then themselves.

Really, not only isn’t there a spoon, there isn’t even a holiday.

Why?

Group Theory Homework 4 is due on the 24th, I have a test on the 23rd and 29th, I have to prepare for my Honours Introductory Talk and prepare for a small presentation on the Gamma Function.

Sweet right.

Come to think of it, I actually only have 4 days at home only. That’s not much…oooo how I love NUS.

Prof Berrick says,” The nice thing about teaching graduate students is that you can be so cruel.” and proceeds to write on the board after presenting a theorem: Straightforward.

The presentation on projective modules was minimalistic so to speak, one could almost say zilch although there was something going happening on the board.

Was taking graduate algebra a mistake? The midterms on the 23rd and God knows what’s going to happen.

Was busy-bodying about Joanna’s blog just now and came across and interesting post. Aparently mixing skirts and sneakers is as bad as mixing slacks and sneakers.

Really ah?

LOL…

So what would you do, if you really wanted to help someone, but that someone just smiles at you and there’s this wall that suddenly separates you and him.

Ok, i’ll try not to be too abstract and try to make sense of what’s going around here.

At the end of my second year in NUS, I sort of drifted apart from several first years that I used to be comfortable with. I mean, this things happen, but that’s not the point of the story. At that time, I was praying that somehow I would have a chance to talk to this guy seriously of things of God and probably lead him to Christ.

Well the fact that we drifted apart is bad enough, the worse is that on my part I didn’t make an effort to sort of be friendlier. I was busy with EXCO stuff and had other personal matters to deal with. This sort of made reaching out to this guy secondary.

Now, don’t get me wrong, is not like we have became enemies or something like that. We still smile and acknowledge each other when we meet and I would like to think that it is genuine. But the fact is from happy friends we became hi-bye friends.

Then he started a blog. (I had started mine long before his, but that’s not relevant)

And he sorta..poured his heart out in his blog. The picture I get from the posts is one where he is looking desperately for genuine relationships. This is not to say that he doesn’t have good friends, he does. But his posts portay a picture of a lost child that has fallen into a dark well desperately looking for hands to pull him out.

He seeks advice from friends. But if the Christ I believe in is the source of true, sincere and unadulterated love, I would like to share Christ with him. To let him taste the liberating and refreshing love that Christ fills me with.

Have I talked about this with him? Yes I have, but he politely declined to discuss it any further.

The more I come to know my Lord, the more I can understand the hurt He feels when He is rejected. A life of cynicism, of pain, regret and bitterness is not the only way to live while we are still here on earth. There is another way…

If he should ever chance upon this blog and read this post, he will know who he is. If he ever wants to talk, I’ll be there.

I just heard over the radio (Sym 92.4) that two bloggers were charged in court for racist remarks made in their blog. Hmm… Hmm…All eyes on this one. Hope to hear more of this one. Will be keeping my ears open.

I just needed to put up a post here, I’m really in love with my new blog (the template is just soooo nice.) Anyway, was having breakfast with Joshua and Aurelia just now and we were sitting next to Wan Tze and her parents. Wan Tze really looks just like a carbon copy of her father. Both of them really look alike!

Hmm, until now I still can’t figure out to whom am I more alike: my father or my mother. A face that is too unique I guess.

Any how, long day today. Meeting two lecturers and more work to complete. Really looking forward to the break next week. Will be going home then…

Had a passing thought just now while having lunch. Jesus more often than not, used his parables to expose hypocrisy, especially those of the ruling powers (religious or otherwise). The way they are told is just so witty. Seems like Jesus was the leading satirical comic artist of his day. Add that with a dash of compassion and display of miraculous power and you get a following.

I guess the Israelites, tired out by the posturing of their religous authorities were finding a ‘rebel’ like figure to flock around. Jesus became that nucleus, given his outspokenness. But such loyalty is tenuous at most. They abandoned him when he was crucified. Little wonder since the common man looks for victorious heroes. Everyone is a coward at heart.

Today’s politcal cartoonists do so from the comfort of their studios. The can always justify their job using “right to free speech”. They can always say that their works are meant to provide an alternative viewpoint-to preserve democracy against a totalitarian regime.

Jesus didn’t have “right to free speech” at that time. It was his life or nothing. He didn’t hide behind his “rights” so to speak. He exposed hypocrisy because of what it really was. Dishonesty.

The strange thing about blogsome is that I can’t seem to configure the calendar and timestamp. Things are a little messy right now, but I’ll try to get to the bottom of it.

Pastor Shih Ming talked about resting today and I was literally ‘resting’ during his sermon. Ish, ish ish…bad me.

Anyway, today seems like another peaceful day to do some serious work. (Talk about sabbath). I guess since students don’t have a standard working day, the concept of sabbath day is ambiguous.

Or maybe is another of those facet of modern 21st century living.

It’s rare that I make my title so long. Maybe just before I turn in to sleep, I might as well turn over my mind about this one:

What is the toughest question you ever asked yourself?

Hmm, personally…

I guess that I have never really thought about this one. I have never been put into a “conversion” situation where I get to choose my eternal destiny. But seriously, questions like this will crop up once in a while. Without wasting anymore space: What sort of life would you envision yourself living in 10 years time?

In 10 years I’ll be 33 years old. Call it scary. Five years ago, ask me this question and it would seem that the future is full of promise. (23-5 + 10 = 28, no prizes for that. ) But 33 is such a scary number. At 33, a man’s got a car, a house and is married, probably even expecting his first (maybe second kid).

Is 10 years a long way to go? I guess not. If I’m serious about doing professional mathematics…let’s see graduate at 24. Masters for two years that’s 26. Work and Phd probably another 3 to 4 years and that’s 30….scream!! Wahlau…I just realized how old I actually am.

Think about it (and that’s what this blog is for), faced with these kinds of projections, I can’t help but feel a little out of control. I can’t control whether a girl likes me or not, I can’t control whether or not I will be able to actually embark on a mathematical career, much less to be sure that I can get employment. I cannot control what my workplace will be like, hell…I can’t even control what God has in store for me. Do the sum, don’t you feel that your life becomes a little…meaningless?

I’ll rant without referring to the bible this time. It’s scary, and downright depressing coming to think about it. If there was one thing that I feared always, even throughout my teenage days until now concerened worries of the above sort.

Societal expectation added with the inherent unpredictability of life makes a volatile mix. It’s combustible, one finds solace in madness and absurdity. If I sound inward looking and selfish, yeah I am. That’s who I am, who I really am I damned selfish rut, who can’t see past his own eyes.

Ok, enough…sleep. God will speak to me then.

Hi, welcome to my new place. We’ll be having a “BBQ” blog-warming party on the 31st of September in my dreams.

Hope you all like it. Update your blogrolls.